Having been brought up in London, it is most definitely one of my, if not my, favourite cities. The people and the traffic, the unreliable buses and crazy cyclists are quite annoying – I can’t deny that. However, that’s what makes this city. That’s London.
So one would probably guess I was jumping for joy at the idea of studying in London after leaving high school. But that wasn’t the case. As much as I do love this city, and certain other aspects of my life here, there was a side I hated – a side I wanted to run away from.
That’s where Southampton comes in. Southampton is my “Get Out Of Jail Free” card. Being there means I have a life of my own, a new life that has given me a place I can run away to when things get too hard at home. It is a selfish thought, but whenever I’m at home, swamped by countless problems, home is the last place I want to be. I’m not stating that my problems are huge or are the most important, but they are important to me and my life.
I guess it’s like living in a dream world that I have to wake up from every time I come back to London. A world where the people and the places I’m surrounded by allow me to have small worries or issues in comparison to the things I have to face at home. However, when I can’t go to my dream world, and have to face reality as it is, that’s when things start to get difficult. Meaning I grab onto any small opportunity to run back in to that dream world, and try to hold onto it as long as I can. Like how I asked a friend last night if I could be selfish for a bit longer, to which he replied “just for a bit”..
I know it isn’t a good trait, and I know I can’t live in a world where my true home feels more burdensome than my temporary home, where I find more happiness in some place other than my home. It’s certainly something that I need to work on, because along with this comes attachment, neediness and dependence – painful to have if it’s just one sided.
Over the next few days, I’m going to work on this – I’m going to work on my independence more, on looking after both my parents, and also looking after myself and my studies. Because I don’t want to be a burden to anyone, especially not my family or friends. Because I’m the only that can change the future. It’ll take time, but it’s definitely something I want to try and achieve.
But until then, dream world – I hope to see you soon.
And dream catcher – 보고싶을꺼야, 친구야. 모든 주셔서 고마워. 그리고, 미안한다.
보고싶다 내 Dream Catcher.