Life Blog – What It Means To Me

It’s sitting on a train, and not paying attention to the stations that pass. Though you’re travelling fast, on the contrary, your mind is in slow motion.

It’s walking past a friend on the road without realising they were there. Hoping that those around you don’t realise that your mind is not in the present.

Laying in bed for hours, eyes open and calm, but mind busy and screaming, body unable to move. Forgetting your purpose and plans for the day as you lay there trying to get a hold of yourself.

It’s searching for distractions in the things in your immediate environment. Taking the longer walk home to delay facing reality. Considering running away but worrying about the implications it will bring.

It’s wanting to see everyone, but at the same time, wanting to shut yourself off from the world around you. Having a billion things to do, but at the same time, nothing.

Being so immersed in your thoughts that you go a whole day without a meal. Sometimes a few days on end.

It’s reading into situations you’re placed into and how they could potentially be used to take your life, if it ever comes to that point. In a way, being prepared for the ultimate escape. Waiting on a platform at the station, crossing the road, leaning against the edge of a bridge.

It’s looking back on memories or watching old favourite, but cliché, movies, in the hope that those moments of joy that you see will brighten your mood.

It’s the feeling of wanting to scream out to the world, tell it that you are not okay, that you are struggling, but not doing so in fear of being misunderstood or ignored.

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