Life Blog – CBT

I learnt three things this weekend:

  1.  When someone tells you to bring knee pads to dance, always take them.
  2. Chiquitos make amazing cocktails!
  3. One person can make all the difference in the world.

Point 2 probably needs a blog of its own, (and quite an interesting one I hope), but both will be based around my weekend. I headed back into London for a dance workshop, and, yet again, spent the weekend at my best mate’s place in the city (MarkMyWords). In light of the events that took place last week, around mid-week, he was and still is one of the few people I actually wanted to see, let alone spend time with. I didn’t really go with any sort of expectation, and, honestly, I have no reason to. Don’t take this the wrong way; it’s because no matter what happens, he’s someone whose company I’ll enjoy. Despite his usually cringe-worthy or hand shriveling puns, it’s always lovely to see him.

I could go on and on about how awesome my weekend was, and go into extreme detail about every activity that took place. But, I won’t because we’d be here forever, and some things are better kept between me and him, sort of like inside jokes. I can’t explain how much better I feel mentally after this weekend. On top of that, I can’t express how grateful I am for everything that happened. The reason being this:

I can finally see myself. After a long time, I am starting to recognise the person I see when I look into the mirror.

I’ve always seen my best friend as someone to look up to, especially when it comes to dancing. He’s been mentioned many times in this blog of mine. The first post I ever wrote was called Heukgisa, and it explained the concept of a ‘black knight’ and how I call him my Heukgisa. He is actually one in more ways than you would think. Yes, he is still helpful, selfless and kind. But he is also an inspiration in life. I think, recently, I’ve been looking up to him and noticing where I’ve been going wrong. I’ve learnt the steps I need to take, and I feel like I am in such a good place now. But that was all done by taking a leaf out of his book.

Of course, I still lean on him as a friend, but not in a way that stops me from being independent and strong. Now, I spend less time thinking and talking to him about hypothetical worries, and actually talking about practical worries, if any. One example I can think of took place today. ‘I sat next to the most annoying guy in my lecture’ is what I had texted him. Not ‘What if so and so happens’.

And that felt so good.

My mood has been up, my productivity has increased, and I feel better about myself. The icing on the cake? This weekend was definitely another to remember; one to cherish. Yes I had been going to Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, but a different form of CBT (this is a small inside joke) is actually what made the biggest difference. That was the CBT I needed – the wake up call I needed – and it was just one person.

But there was also a cherry on top of that icing. That being the fact that I think the friendship grew a little too. Not just over the weekend but over the past few weeks. I feel so much more comfortable with him, feel more at home, and I know that we’ve come a long way. Aristotle once said

Wishing to be friends is quick work, but friendship is a slow ripening fruit

That is exactly how this feels. How we ended up becoming so close is still a bit of a blur, because it happened so quickly, but the process of getting to where we are right now, to how we see and value each other’s friendship and loyalty, that certainly took some time. But it was worth it. I couldn’t have asked for a better best friend and brother.

I feel so satisfied, with everything I have. I feel so blessed when looking back on everything that happened this weekend. From the evening arcade session, and the brilliant team work there, to the small shopping trip down Oxford Street, where I ended up buying a lovely skirt that he recommended; just all of it feels like a blessing. But the best part of it is that I chose for this to happen. I could have chosen to do something or take actions that would have ruined some part of my weekend. I know I have done that before. However, I think I’m finally starting to see the blessings in any situation, and let that have an affect on me, and not any pessimism.  I’ve finally got a better picture of what is good for me, and what isn’t, and I know that I can steer clear of those.

‘Every blessing ignored becomes a curse’ – Paulo Coelho

I think what I’m trying to say is, your life is actually in your hands, even at times when you are so convinced it’s not. Try to see the glass as being half full, and not half empty, and you will honestly live life loving every moment that you go through. You will find the things and the people that make you happy, and bring out the best in you, and are there through the worst. Sometimes it can be one person, or a few. Don’t feel the need to surround yourself with a possy of people just because you feel obliged to, or just for some small opportunities. By doing so, you may be losing sight of the bigger and more important things in life, and making yourself someone you’re not happy to be.

You are in control. It’s just time to show the world that you know it.

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