It’s all getting a bit chaotic. I’m struggling to get to grips with my life and can feel it veering, spiralling out of control, and I can’t seem to find a way to get it to stop. Just as I think I’m taking a step forward towards getting everything back under control, I actually seem to taking a leap backwards.
It’s getting difficult to handle the numerous tasks that need completing, the commitments I have made with other people, even just day to day activities such as eating. These things keep slipping my mind too easily, and become untraceable until I get prompted by someone else. Even when I write them down in my planner, it just doesn’t seem to be doing much to help.
The irritation has also returned; small things that other people do has started annoying me and stressing me out ridiculously, and the fact that it’s affecting me in that way stresses me out even more. I thought I had it under control; I thought I was finally getting myself into a good position, but I don’t know what happened to that.
I want to scream out my frustration, my fear and anxiety into the world, although I know there’s no one to hear me out. I want to let it all out, cry and hope it will someone settle down to a point where I can slowly start making my way forwards again, and get my life back under control but that’s easier said than done. I just want to lock myself away, hope this all disappears somehow, except I know that’s not how life works. It has never been that way.
I’m losing it.
And I’m scared.