The Inconceivable Martyr

She laid there, in a state of paralysis, as the warm, crimson liquid trickled down her arm. She needed a distraction – a decoy -to take her mind of the hole that has been torn into her heart. The pain was good; the pain confirmed that she was just human. She could finally focus on something other than her thoughts and source of sorrow, something other than the words uttered to her; the words that were nothing but the truth.

Yet why did she feel so wrong, and so broken?

The more she thought, the less she understood about herself. The more she tried to figure out the person she sees in the mirror everyday, the more unfamiliar the face became. There was a flaw in this equation – the script for her life was not compiling correctly – but there was no way to debug this code.

She wondered.

No. This wasn’t a flaw; it was a corruption, a virus. You remove corrupted items so that the defect doesn’t spread and, if necessary, you replace it. It’s the same as having a tumour or a defective limb; if it’s detrimental to your health or life, you would have the subject removed.

She awoke from her daydream; the angel in her telling her it was an absurd idea. It wasn’t long before the negativity took over, making her wonder if it could be something more than a reverie. She was being won over by the doubt and the fear, the goodness in her being suppressed by the devil sat on her shoulder.

She fell into a trance, it became almost impossible to pry her away from the decision she had made. She ambled over into her bathroom and turned on the water, letting the tub fill up slowly. The hypnotising sound of the running water engulfed the room, and she listened to it carefully as if it was her personal soundtrack for this moment. As she turned away to pick up the gleaming silver object, she ignored the colourful bath products on the side of the tub; she wouldn’t be needing those today.

Slowly, but surefooted, she stepped into the tub, the chill of the water causing her nerves to tingle. She settled down, settled her mind and started her final mission. A shiver ran through her spine as the cold metal touched her exposed skin, but was instantly warmed by the substance that oozed out. She closed her eyes and sank deeper into the water.

Without hesitation, it was over.

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