I’m not sure what triggered this today, but, all of a sudden, I started to think about the teddy bears and stuffed toys I own, which led to one in particular. In June 2009, the day before my 14th birthday, someone who was extremely important to me at the time gave me a birthday present, and it was the first and the only present I ever received from them. I treasured this present, a teddy, like no other; it meant the world to me. But as we grew and our friendships grew apart, so did the bond between me and the bear.
As life got in the way, it just became a hidden memory, pushed right to the back of my mind. At times, it was something I didn’t want to reminisce over, for it brought me pain. Eventually I headed off to university, and I left the teddy behind and completely forgot about him.
I had recently started talking to this person again, after years of not doing so. Maybe that’s what triggered me to remember the teddy?
I walked over to the pile of stuffed animals sat on top of a small cabinet in my room, and carefully dug through the pile, expecting my fingers to touch the familiar t-shirt the bear wears. Instead they touched a hard surface; the top of the cabinet.
He wasn’t there.
I was distraught, in disbelief that he could be missing. I frantically searched the pile of toys again, and all the nooks and crannies in my room, but still, he wasn’t there. It felt as if a small part of my soul, or my heart, had left my body. However, the moping was temporarily halted when I realised I had actually taken a picture of the teddy on that day. I say temporarily because it didn’t take long for it to return. I went through every album I had on my Facebook, knowing that at some point, a picture of the teddy was put up. Hundreds and hundreds of photos later, the picture in question was nowhere to be found.
My heart dropped. I have always been someone who holds onto keepsakes, regardless of how my relationship with the gifter has changed. Simply because they mean a lot to me, and I relate them to a happy memory. The thought of this bear being missing made me feel empty inside, considering I’d kept so many others. I just hope he’s been misplaced somewhere, and will turn up at some point. I just don’t believe that I would have ever even considered not keeping him.