Life Blog – The Advice That Saved Me

This is something I told a good friend a few days ago, and I realise it’s something to keep in mind going into this new year. If you have found yourself doubting your friends, or have been questioning your self worth because of how your friends perceive you, then I hope these words that have come from the bottom of my heart, from my past experiences with similar problems, can shine some light on you during dark times.

People see you not how you want them to see you, but how they want to see you. From the very first moment they meet you, they already have an image in the mind, be it an accurate representation or the complete opposite of your character. Over time, this image evolves as they start to know you better and delve into you world. Even then, they see what they want to see and what they can comprehend. ‘What you see and hear depends a good deal on where you are standing; it also depends on what sort of person you are’. This is a quote by one of my favourite authors, C.S.Lewis from his book, The Magician’s Nephew. He couldn’t be more right. Of course everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but what someone sees doesn’t always have anything to do with the truth. For a person’s perception is influenced by their experiences and personality.

Simply put, a person’s perception of something or someone is powerful, but it has the chance of being unprecedentedly wrong.

When someone sees you in a negative light, especially someone whom we care for, the impact it has on our self confidence and how we see ourselves is powerful. It can knock a person right of their pedestal even if the perception is completely inaccurate. It makes you doubt yourself and question who you are. In a lot of cases, only one side of the story is heard and the other doesn’t get a chance to reveal itself until the damage has been done.

It’s not fair that only one side of the story was heard, especially in a world which revolves around technology and social media platforms where other people’s opinions of the situation are very subjective. But this does not automatically make you a bad person nor a bad friend. In fact, it should shed some light about who to trust.
It’s a process of growing up, of maturing and learning to do what’s in your best interest. It’s facing the reality of the world, of moving on in life, of your mental and physical health. Those who don’t understand or respect that can’t be blamed either, for it is often only those who have been through it themselves who actually understand.
Put any emotional abuse or fallback behind you and focus on what is ahead of you. Refocus your energy not into emotions of sorrow but that of joy, or into your goals and targets and you will find that some things happen not as a setback, but to push you in the right direction and help you achieve your ultimate goal in life. So, though it may hurt and seem like you have been knocked down, it may just be the start of a huge jump forward.

Finally, I’ll pass on a message that two wise dancers told me the night I felt so disappointed in myself and hated who I was, but wasn’t even sure why or how was I ended up feeling that way. As I sat there hurt, torn apart and crying because of someone I loved as a friend, liked as a man and trusted like family, they reminded me of one very important thing. They were one person – one person in a room of hundreds. In that room of hundreds of people, so many appreciated me and liked me for who I am, and treated me the way I deserve to be treated, whether we were close or not. Though there was history with this one person, it’s in the past. What mattered was the present, which then was that there were 2 people who genuinely loved me for who I was, and were happy to sit and talk to me and calm me down. Additionally, there were dozens of people who welcomed me back inside with warmth and joy. As the night went on, the support I received from others was off the scale; they offered more support in the space of one night than one person could over a few weeks.

Don’t let one bad apple or one bad incident cloud what’s really in front of you and the good things in your life. You blessed with so many good opportunities, gifts and traits. We all have our flaws – no one is perfect. No one can be the “perfect friend”, it’s an ideal set by media and fiction. But anyone who happily points out the flaws about their friends and puts them down, or turns people away because of small things or can’t accept change, or sees people as instruments they can use for their own happiness, they have a lot to learn in life and will struggle to find true happiness.

 

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