It’s kind of funny (and ironic) that someone believes that the reason you no longer see them the same way is because they were too busy for you. Actually, it’s because I could no longer believe the words coming out of their mouth, the actions they were taking, or they way they were, and are, treating certain people. I haven’t forgotten all the good things they’ve done for me, but that doesn’t justify all the hurtful things they do or have done.
When someone who is always thorough with everything they do, suddenly proposes that they were clueless about the consequences, or details of certain decisions they’ve made, it does reduce their credibility. This is worsened when they purposely avoid certain topics, no matter how hard you try to get the truth out of them. How do you expect me to stay friends with you when you are being like this? When you are putting on this front of innocence and victimisation when you’re in no position to do so? When you avoid and hide such terrible things just to save an image of yourself you don’t deserve?
Here’s a life lesson for you.
The truth always finds a way to come out, and when it does, it’ll be worse than if you had said it yourself.
Here are a few other things I’ve learnt, that countless others agree upon, but some people don’t think it applies to them:
No matter how busy someone is, if they really care for you with all their heart, they will be there for you.
They will make time for you. Parents, partners, friends, teachers – anyone. So, I’ve learnt not to accept the ‘I was busy’ excuse.
For example, I was stressed out, panicking and desperately trying to prepare for referral exams, which could make or break my degree. Yet I still made myself available to a friend who needed help with applications, finding universities, amongst other things.
Another example: recently, if you follow my blog, you’d know that I had gone through a huge slump, and certain people had been there for me when others hadn’t. But amongst these people, there were some who were going through unimaginable, life or death family ordeals, stresses of balancing not one but two degrees, problems with peers and friends, balancing a job on top of all of this. Yet they still went out of their way, and I never even asked.
So, is it that wrong of me to ask that from someone who supposedly cared for me as much as they said they did?
Sympathy seeking is a waste of time.
It is also quite immature and something to be left behind in high school. Instead take it as a life lesson and anticipate future events positively. Reflection is a useful tool, used to leave behind certain issues and learn from others, and just move on with your life. However, this becomes quite counterproductive when you spend that time reflecting sourly about other people. They say forgiveness helps you get closure, and unless you forgive, you will never truly move on. I think the same applies here. If you’re going to be sour in your self reflection, then are you even moving on at all?
There’s something called perception, and other people’s perception of you change based on your actions – actions you made when in a sound state of mind, and were completely aware of. When someone’s perception of you becomes tainted, it’s even more difficult to rectify the situation. But when this perception is valid, based on how you acted for the whole world to see, you’re just wasting your time and energy on a lost cause. Instead of seeking sympathy from people who no longer respect you or like you, focus it positively and find people who don’t care for your actions.
Rules you impose on others also apply to you.
You can’t put yourself on a pedestal, and be ignorant to certain actions you have taken or are taking that may be detrimental to others. And, not to mention, totally unacceptable. You can’t do this and still think yourself innocent or saint-like. Everyone is guilty of this at some point, but what matters is being able to accept that and learn from it, not denying it.
So, as much as the excuses for being ‘busy’ were way too hard to accept, I came to realise that not only had this person changed (or I may have had the wrong impression of them from the start), but may have actually changed for the worse. That’s why they didn’t get even a New Year’s wish, as I was going to start mine without them and the unjustifiable ways of treating people.
Like Janus, I think they had not two, but may faces. I no longer know if the one shown to me was the real one or not, or if any of the fronts were real, but I don’t want to find out anymore. For damage has been done, to me and my heart, but I know I won’t be the last.