It is the last competition weekend of this year, and last university competition weekend in my life. You’d expect me to be anticipating it, feeling excited (considering it has been hailed as one of the best weekends in the year if you are a dancer), but it’s actually quite the opposite.
The upsetting company of those I’m with has made me retreat to my room or other isolated locations often, dreading facing them or any conversation regarding my absence. However, I have had time to think, to try to be mature about this and not draw any more attention to my loneliness than I need to. I did try to approach those I saw as friends about this, but seeing as my efforts made no difference other than spread the news around, I’m going to refrain from doing this to. It’s given me time to sit down and figure out any work I need to do; time to try to understand this situation from their point of view (and I am still trying, even though there are still many unanswered questions) and trying to just put it past me. It’s given me time to come to terms with the fact that not being me and trying to fit in makes me more unhappy than any other possible situation and I’d rather isolate myself.
You will never get along well with everyone; your maturity will not be the same as others. The way look to handle a difficult or negative situation does not speak for the way other people choose to (or not to) handle it.
I watched a video last night in my room, of Matthew McConaughey deliver a speech at a graduation ceremony, and one particular part really struck a chord with me.
“Don’t choose anything that will jeopardise your soul. Prioritize who you are, who you want to be, and don’t spent time with anything that antagonizes your character” – Matthew McConaughey
I hope, just as I am trying to take this advice on right now – and get through this long weeken – I hope you all take a piece from it too and have a wonderful weekend.