I’ve had a very positive outlook on life in recent days; I’ve been doing a lot of what I love, spending time with people whose company I enjoy and treasure, and have started seeing someone who makes me smile all the time. It’s a great feeling; every step feels like I’m floating – even I notice the bounce in my step.
However, there are a couple of individuals who hold the key to break me beyond anything else and it scares me. One is my ex best friend, whom I cut ties with just over 2 months ago and have not seen since. He hasn’t been someone I’ve had to worry about, someone who I’ve barely thought about but with a dance workshop coming up in about 3 weeks, anxiety is taking over me. It was a workshop we both desperately wanted to attend and didn’t hesitate to buy tickets once they were released. Now, the thought of attending the workshop still excites me but facing him scares me.
The second is my last boyfriend, with whom I am still fairly good friends with. He was the first friend I made after coming to university, subsequently became my best friend and eventually we fell for each other and were together for 2 years. Despite being on this high these past few days, there have been moments where I have felt so low, and every single time it has been because of him. It got so bad at one point that I left the house to stay with a friend for the week; I couldn’t put myself in that position of having to see him, talk to him and potentially argue with him every day.
Now, I know what steps I need to take – it’s a type of reform. I need to learn to not let the opinion of others, the words of others, cut me when they have no hold over my life and my choices. I know to seek out endeavours that bring me joy but to understand that, no matter where I go or what I do, life will throw obstacles and that I am strong enough to overcome them without putting my happiness and mental health on the line.