You just constantly keep cropping up; I wish you wouldn’t.
I see your name everywhere, despite having hidden if from everywhere I could.
The memories keep resurfacing at random moments, making any happy feeling disappear into a pit of pain.
Hearsay and secondhand gossip keeps holding me back, but a part of me wants to know; How are you doing? What are you up to? Can we talk? Are you hurting like I am? But I hold it all in.
I feared running into you everywhere I go, but knowing you’re not around right now makes me wish I had at some point.
So that I can ask you everything I want to. So that I can get the closure I need.
The better side of me, maybe, wants to despise you, look away and move on with my heart filled with spite. “That’s a form of closure too,’ I tell myself.
Is it though?
But you were so good – too good – that it’s almost impossible to hate you. So good to the point I wish it didn’t happen.
‘He was a step in the right direction,’ said my friend. I think I interpreted it as more of a leap.
There are so many triggers everywhere, I yearn to leave this city to go back to the place I call home. Hoping that some time away will settled my frantic feelings.
But I dread the upcoming encounters this weekend, dread being at my home.
And worrying about you isn’t something I want to add to everything else that’s happening.
So what do I do? I want to let go, but I can’t seem to.