I thought I had gotten a good grip of my feelings but I’m worried I may start faltering. I keep running into this person (when I say keep I mean on a daily basis, unintentionally) and seeing them makes me ache. Although I have no intention of rekindling anything with them, and don’t feel anything in particular towards them, I still feel an ache – like the remnants of the hurt I went through that was never cleanly settled.
Going back home definitely helped with tidying up any feelings I had for them, but coming back – and then immediately seeing them as soon as I was back – was something I wasn’t prepared for. A good friend of mine recommended videos by a YouTuber named Matthew Hussey. Hussey’s specialism is relationships and he posts videos, conducts talk and seminars etc. for women about various relationship issues. She recommended a video about moving on from an ex and get closure.
My initial thoughts consisted of just getting my head over how fragmented the video seemed, but as it progressed, the fragmentation and mixture of clips from different talks and interviews creatively pieced together the message he was trying to convey. It was a clear message – that closure is overrated, but even so, disinterest is a form of closure. He also talked about how our standards go out the window as soon as we start to like someone, and it felt as if I was looking into a mirror. I could see how I had changed and started focusing on working towards myself even more than I already had (link blog).
It has helped, but it was never going to be a short and smooth ride. But focusing on myself and my organisation is helping. On top of this, I have a week and a bit of craziness ahead; an open-bar night at a local nightclub tonight, another day of placement, a ball and a few socials – just plenty of fun. I’m hoping this helps take my mind of anything that’s remaining and refocus my energy.
And I do recommend his videos to anyone who may have any piece of relationship queries; he talks about basically every possible issue or question that may arise regarding relationships, liking someone, dating etc.